Zilla Darling

Tuesdays

2009-04-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

So today I handed in a 2500 word essay for Journalism on The Role of the Internet throughout the American Election. I don't understand why we would need to write something like this for Journalism? I don't know. I'm over Journalism. I needed to work on getting some American History resources. I just gave up and referenced wikipedia. Oh well, my reference list and my bibliography were quite good. Next semester I'm going to take a break from Journalism. I'm going to take another French subject in place of Journalism... so just a switch. I just need a break from writing such horrid, stupid assignments.

I'm also looking into going to France at the end of the year. At first I was looking at taking a language course, my friend is going to France to be an Aupair. Currently looking into this for two months over Christmas. I'm watching The Biggest Looser: damn the brothers look good. I also watched Master Chef tonight. I was upset. Nothing as good as the UK version. Yeah... I guess that's about it!

Some interesting/scary things:

* Swine Flu: Swine influenza virus (referred to as SIV) refers to influenza cases that are caused by Orthomyxoviruses endemic to pig populations. SIV strains isolated to date have been classified either as Influenzavirus C or one of the various subtypes of the genus Influenzavirus A. Swine flu infects people every year and is found typically in people who have been in contact with pigs, although there have been cases of person-to-person transmission.Symptoms include fever, disorientation, stiffness of the joints, vomiting, and loss of consciousness ending in death.
* What makes you yell? Straight from the waves of Triple J. I CANNOT stand when people don't use there effing blinkers!
* Do you have any vices?
* It's getting cooler: What is a must for you this winter?

I'm sick. Blocked nose, runny eyes, strange stomach, exhausted, sore throat.
The worst bit is that I'm super tired but I cannot seem to sleep.
Oh well, I've not had a cold in over a month - about time!

How did your week go? Better than you expected or worse? Are you going to make a change next week? I'm going to spend more time out of the house next week. Be more proactive. Change things up! Here comes a list of awesome things:

1. Dita Von Teese is in my opinion is such a beautiful women. To me her style and her body are pretty much all the things I wish to have!
2. Lindsay Lohan interview where on Australian TV Ellen was said to 'grill' Linsday.
3. Miss USA and her views on gay rights.
4. Turkish TIme: my friends and I went out to dinner last night. It was lovely! We're looking into starting a club and dining out once a month togeter!
5. Spending time during the day reading. I find myself falling asleep because I read in bed. I'm currently reading The Great Gatsby, which is quite a nice read.
6. Baking: Yesterday I made ANZAC cookies. They had to be one of the eaisest things I've made for a while!
7. Kidrobot
8. Tarina Tarantion: Do I need to say anymore?
9. TUK shoes: the joys of internet buying
10. My new Peter Alexander dressing gown. Oh, dear - I've died and gone to heaven!
11. The Boat People: I'm off to see them today!

Next week I'm getting inked again, and hopefully getting my nose pierced. Howz exciting! Also exciting is Labour Day next Monday. My plans are to drive down to Byron Bay: who's interested?

Love and Art

Zilla

Changes

2009-04-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

So I wrote this entry tonight in anticipation that tomorrow m internet will be back to it’s speedy self! But it seems a bit better - Ha, - I joke (I kid, I kid), I will put up with it to post this entry. that Anyway, it’s almost nearing holidays. This is really making me think about what I’ve done this year, what I’ve got to get done this year and how far I have come in the last twelve months. Thinking back to the person I was then, it was obvious that I wasn’t happy. I spent so long trying to make things better, by wishing. The thing is, nothing can change unless you go out and create change. So often I would sit at home, at the computer or at the television wonder what I had done to hate myself so much, and why I just couldn’t live a normal life, free form all the stress that normal activities were causing me. I was really unhealthy in the way I live my life, it lacked balance and everything I did was done on impulse and in binges. It is only through a lot of hard work that I have managed to make such a change on my life. A year ago, I was often thinking of how long I had left. The horrid, destructive things I was doing were taking such a toll on my body, and I really just wanted to give up on life. Now, it isn’t some perfect story, and I didn’t just wake up one day and love life and myself. Things still aren’t perfect. I don’t expect them ever to be. I am still sick, but I’m slowly making a change for the better so that in a few years I can lead a normal life. Fully aware of all the fears I have, I acknowledge them as a sign this illness rather than my own wishes for my life.

Many of you have been reading my journal for a few years, and while choosing not to write about this problem has helped me (much to my surprise) people know of the struggles that I have. They’re not over, but I do believe they will be one day. Positive though is a state of mind, and I do believe that we can change our opinions. “Life is in the details” reminded by my friend tonight. For me, little things such as reading in bed, watching a DVD, making banana smoothes, the health I feel from eating good foods, yoga, saving to travel, taking pictures, painting my nails – all these things, while small, make me feel wonderful, happy and in control.

Life is really short. And we really have to think about what is important. Uni for example. Working really hard to make sure we get 5 or a 6 or spending time with your friends, having an adventure or relaxing. When we look back, we want to know that we lived our lives by choosing the important thins, the things that will in the end – allow us to lead a better life. Focus on the things that you’ve done, not on what you haven’t. Did you have a piece of chocolate today when you swore you wouldn’t? Address what went wrong, and try again – but try not to get into excuses.

I can feel that this year is going to continue to be a good year, because I am going to make an effort. So, these are my tips to making positive changes in your life:

1. Make an affirmation. A simple phrases that you repeat or write daily. It is said that if we say or hear something enough we will start to believe in it. Instead of repeating negative words, focus on a positive mantra.
2. Eliminate the negative. I thought that by picking through my issues, I would find some reason for them – wrong. By not placing all my attention on them, they seem much smaller.
3. Find a hobby: We all need some distraction. It might be knitting, cooking, drawing or swimming. Anything that can take you outside your daily stresses for an n hour or so. Time to reflect on what you want out of life and check in with yourself.
4. Treat yourself well: Don’t focus on weight, but on eating healthy, daily exercise, meditation or relaxation, good sleep, a healthy water intake and keep the alcohol to a weekend activity.
5. Plan for happiness: Little things like going to the movies, wearing your favourite outfit, spending time on the couch with the cat. Put down at least on of these actives on your weekly to do list.
6. Make goals: If you are bored in life, you don’t have enough goals. Make sure you’re always working towards something. Something realistic with a timeline and a measurable achievement level.
7. Put yourself first: Worry about the things you’re doing in your life before you start stressing about what others are doing. You are your on your road, keep remembering that. Who cares what Bob and Fran are doing – they’re not living your life.
8. Dress to impress: It may sound vain, but feeling good and confident in what you’re wearing can add that extra spring in your step. Clothes are the first things you say about yourself without saying anything.
9. Laughter: Ellen, YouTube, Scrubs… what ever it is. A good laugh is not only good for the stomach muscles, but lightens you up and jump starts your good mood.
10. Journal: This is where you can keep track of everything. Your food, exercise, goals, progress, to-do list… all those things. A space where you can reflect on all the things that are in your life that are stopping you being what you want to be. Not just a place to bitch about all that’s gone wrong, but somewhere you fix the things that have gone wrong.

I’ve made big changes, and I’ve employed all ten of the above tips. It’s still hard work, and I have to keep checking myself when I get stressed and find myself slipping back to old habits. But I really didn’t see a future for myself. Now, I just want to really live everyday to it’s fullest – no time to waist when there are so many things I want to do before it’s too late. And if all else fails, perhaps refer to an amazingly dodgy mantra: I will shine in 2009!

I Do Not Regret!

2009-04-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

I watched La Vie en Rose the other day. It's a movie about the amazing French singer Edith Piaf. She has a rather depressingly beautiful life. She wasn't a loved child, raised by prostitutes, went blind for a while, joined the circus and rose to fame, had an affair with a boxer, saw her world fall apart again and again. I adore her music. I found it most tragic that she died at such a young age. Only the good die young? She sung a song called "Non, je regrette rien" meaning no I regret nothing. One of the many things that has been ticking through my mind lately has been this song title. It got me thinking: Do I regret anything, is it good to regret things....?

A lot of time I find myself thinking "Oh, I'm not proud of that" or "I wouldn't do it again if I had my time over" is this regret? We all seem to combat this negative setting with a positive "but it did show me who my real friends were" - something sweet to the sour. Is this then a regret? Reflecting on my life, I do think there are things that I wish I hadn't don - things I regret... but they are all apart of who I am today and help to create my motivation, my personality and my determination. Yes, once again that loop a sweet chaser.

I do think something that's not so much a regret, but perhaps a shame is that I was for far too long afraid to be myself. On this note, I think it's great to have approval for things but I'd sometimes think that if you have approval from someone to do something, you're only doing it to suit another. I don't know if that's super coherent. But I mean... we were at lunch yesterday and my co-worker make a comment about "It could be worse, it could be tattoos" which my mother replied with "They'll be next". Part of me is quite happy that my tattoos are not known about in the adult world. Because the things I do I do for me. I don't talk to my mother about getting piercing because I'm the one who wants it. Her disapproval unwanted, it makes me think she believes it's a reflection on her part.

We've actually had a cancer scare in my house lately. Dad went to skin doctor and found a mole that caused some concern. The nurse and the doctor had reported their first indications to be a Meligment melanoma. After further testing, all came good. I guess it put things in check for me. Not so much that "Oh, I could lose my father" more so reaffirming my belief in living each day to it's fullest. Sometimes it means getting that assignment done and then indulging in some awesome cookies as a reward, or a day of art appreciation, a day filled with friends and tea, a day spent with nature, or a PJ day in which sleeping, reading and television revolve. I do not believe that there is really a bad why to spend your days... as long as you do it with the right intentions. Although I am a massive believer in doing things that make your life better, and take you further down your road.
Regret, regret and regret. What are your opinions on it?

This Week

2009-02-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

So it's been a pretty full on week. I'm in a place where all that I want to write seems so secondary compared to sleep. As I wrote a couple of entries back, Mum had her feet operated on - which means I'm picking up the pieces. I've been going to bed at 11 and been up at 6, and when the days are filled with driving little brother to school, cooking dinner, shopping for food and cleaning, pet care etc. it becomes quite exhausting. At least my work schedule isn't too intense - I'm working 4 days from 8-3. This means I have time to go to the gym, walk the dog and cook dinner before a crazy hour! This is why I've not updated... I've thought of lots of things, but yes... time slips away. But I slept in until 8, the housework is done, and all I have to do today is, walk the dog and cook sushi for dinner giving me time to go to yoga and dye my hair.

What I have done this week is a 'deep clean' of my room. My room is tidy, but I did the whole "pull everything out of the draws and clean" clean. Which took quite along time but has many positive results such as being able to open my desk draws without the contents spilling out. I also did the same with my bathroom draws, and had all my jewelry boxes lined up in the draw. Dear, that last thing makes me feel so LA trash like. But it makes me feel really refreshed when I come into my room. I've also put a white board magnetic board thing on my wall, which I can write up to do lists and stick up pictures and what not. And, I've also kulled my wardrobe!!! I've got 4 garbage bags of clothing. Now, I'm not really sure I want to get rid of them... so I'm doing to buy some cheap storage boxes from Crazy Clarks and put them away, so I can really see how much I need, what isn't particle and what I enjoy the most. I've halved my wardrobe. Pretty much, If I've not warn in more than three times in the last 6 months, or I don't know what I'll wear it with is in the bags. Here are my tips for wardrobe kulling:

1. Make sure you have some good music, a fan and are in a good mood as it can be a big job
2. Get 3 - 4 bags so you can separate your clothes into: Keep, storage, charity, bin. Storage being things that may be too small, or are bulky winter clothes that you want to put away, clothes that you don't wear but are in good condition go to charity and then bin for undies and clothes that are falling apart.
3. If you haven't warn it more than 3 times in the last 6 months, you can probably say that it's not an important part of your closet - get rid of it. Free up some space for new season clothes. This exception is to formal dresses - I decided to get some command hooks and display my 18th dress, and some vintage dresses on my wall.
4. Write a list of what you got rid of - so you can find trends. For example - I had five black skirts and as many black cocktail dresses. Next time I see a nice black dress, I'll know that I didn't wear the ones I had so I should look at shoes instead!!
5. Place everything back neatly. Try to invest in wooden or material hangers. I've got mostly plastic, but my collection of wooden and cloth is growing. DO NOT USE WEIR HANGERS! This is so bad for your clothes; it can change the shape and stain them. Ikea have some really cheap plastic ones, likewise for Target and Coles. Put your clothes back in an order that suits you, I enjoy colour arrange. There is nothing better than going to my closet and seeing the rainbow of cloth hanging neatly to entice me. Arranging neatly means you can see what you've got, makes picking easier too.

Okay, so I said that I’d give credit to things I like on Sundays. I’ve been slack – so here is this week’s list:
1. Sleeping in
2. Staying in pajamas all day
3. Sunday lunches
4. Yoga
5. Movies with families
6. Making cupcakes

From Tuesday

Things are good. Very busy. Very, very busy. I've been running around like a frantic house wife trying to get everything done. This resulted in a minor breakdown last night as my very tight schedule was broken and I couldn't get everything done. I do believe that perhaps this intensity is due to PMS... let's hope. How horrid would it be to find out that this crazy mess isn't due to chemicals - I even have a pimple to prove it!!

So, I've been working and I don't have anything besides self reflection to write about. Another year of uni is about to start in a few weeks. It seems to distill in my a sense of newness, even though I've been at uni for 3 semesters. I find it the perfect time to start a new, and work hard on becoming the person that I want to be. Looking back from when I finished school, there is a huge change... I used to listen to pop music, dress like everyone else and failed to form a view on things that weren't reinforced by society. Perhaps this now means I'm in limbo - that horrid term of 'mainstream alternative' - people always have music genre subgroups, don't they? I think in our minds, we always see a project of how we want to be and we seem to always compare it with how we are now. Change is good, change is growth in these terms. This year, I'm going to work on becoming the person I see in my mind. The person I see is happy and smiling from the inside out, pink hair, amazing shoes and self assurance. This reflection comes with the fact that my 20th birthday is next month, and I feel that leaving teenage years gives me room to become all of this.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery. The holiday is named after two among the numerous Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

An alternative theory from Belarus states that the holiday originates from the story of Saint Valentine, who upon rejection by his mistress was so heartbroken that he took a knife to his chest and sent her his still-beating heart as a token of his undying love for her. Hence, heart-shaped cards are now sent as a tribute to his overwhelming passion and suffering.

The day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of "valentines." Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards. The sending of Valentines was a fashion in nineteenth-century Great Britain, and, in 1847, Esther Howland developed a successful business in her Worcester, Massachusetts home with hand-made Valentine cards based on British models. The popularity of Valentine cards in 19th-century America was a harbinger of the future commercialization of holidays in the United States.

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas. The association estimates that, in the US, men spend in average twice as much money as women.

Bathing in the Cold Night

2009-01-11T23:00:00.000-08:00

And the bruise

Well hello all. Things have not changed much in the vast one day that has passed. I am still here, in Japan. Wearing my brightly coloured thermals and many a bruise. I told you about my incident with the chair lift yesterday, well the bruise is on its way out. It's looking amazingly seductive at current with its shades of green, purple, black and red. I know you are all jealous. I will also let you in on the post card situation. I saw some really horrid ones, but kept my money in my pocket for something better, alas I'm yet to find anymore. After skiing today I decided that I wanted to catch the bus down to the little village to have a look around and buy some food etc, but when weighing up things, I decided that I'd rather get the lift to the shop in the Hilton, despite the 5% mark up. It really wasn't worth the struggle to put on all my wither gear, wait for the bus, ride into town, figure out where I was, search for food and post cards, wait for return bus - you get the idea. So, back to postcards... the guy in the shop wasn't sure where I could find 'postcardu' from either. If I see some, I'm going to snap them up like they're going out of fashion!!!

Skiing has taken a turn for the better. With my Dad having a dreadful fall (so he says, but he's fat and unfit and likes to complain) he's off for the rest of the holiday. Mum, Sam and I have been spending the mornings together enjoying the fresh powder and also giving my mum a lesson. The afternoons are spent (after a coffee - or in today's case, a green tea latte YUM!) searching for some black runs, park work or off piste stuff. Tomorrow I'm going snowboarding, which is very exciting. Last time I did it, on the first day I cam all the way from the top to the bottom, I was so proud!! Tonight we are going into town for dinner. I'm sort of tired, and would much rather just go back to bed in my thermals. I find the thought of jeans and make up overrated on a ski trip. Perhaps because breakfast is big (Japanese tofu, seaweed, spinach, mushroom, fish, miso and a couple of spoons of all bran with dried fruit.) although healthy and full of everything that's needed for a day of skiing. Lunch is a coffee followed by more skiing, then après involves many a diet soda (I don't drink it, but after a day of skiing it is more vital than water) and some awesome Japanese wasabi peas, or peanut eggs, squid chips so by dinner I don't feel hungry... or like dressing up. But I am going to the gym for an hour in the morning, so I am trying to stay fit and 'healthy'!

My Onsen Adventure
I thought I'd let you in a wonderful experience I had last night. After two recommendations from fellow Australians working in the hotel, I went to the Onsen. For those who don't know, I'll give you a brief overview. It's pretty much a 'tub' Japanese style. It involves showering, then entering a hot spring outside - NAKED! Yes, you heard me - NAKED! So, after dinner (about 8.30) I pulled on the beautiful hotel robe, and slippers and took the lift down to the Onsen. You walk through the hanging flags, and pull open a wooden door. It's a bit like an up market gym, with beautiful polished floors. You take your slippers off and get disrobed in the change room. Although you can wear a towel for modesty. Then you go through the door and it's a huge slate room. To the right is a huge big bath with floor to ceiling window looking onto the snow; the left are cubicles with showers. They are low. You sit on a wooden bench, and you have a wooden bucket, as well as an array of beautiful skin products. You wash yourself, and then proceed past the indoor bath to the outside. You have to walk down 5 steps, which are flowing with water in which you step into the 42-degree bath. It is right next to a fishpond and overlooks the mountain. The contrast between the hot water and the cold snow produces extreme steam and therefore creates a really private feeling. It was wonderful. I felt so relaxed, and relaxed within myself too. I was a lot less scared than I thought I would be. Then, when you’re finished, you walk up the stairs and wash again. Then behind the lockers, there are individual basins with face products, hair driers - so you can glam up again. It was truly amazing. I felt so refreshed. I really love the Japanese way of life. I would trade it for mine any day. I've always been drawn to an Eastern lifestyle, I'm just unsure how to put these things in my life back in Australia.

Japan - A week And A Half So Far

2009-01-10T03:34:00.000-08:00

The snow is wonderful, it's not too cold and there are some beautiful sites. My motto for the holiday is 'no regrets' meaning that if I get to a jump I don't second guess myself, just go for it. I have three aims for the trip: do a tail grab, do a grind and snow board a blue run. I'm a skier, but I'm learning to snow board. Slowly! We went on a tour in Tokyo. I hate tours - it's official. I hate the organization of it all. The whole "meet back at the bus at this time" The fact that lunch was pre booked and crap. The fact that you get put into a box of a Western tourist who is likely to buy overpriced fans or anything with the Japanese stamp. I'm far too independent for that. But I did get some nice pictures, so I guess that's a plus!

I am having a wonderful time, Japan is very much on my 'BEST OF' list!!
Sapporo was awesome too, when we flew in, all I could see was snow, snow snow!!

Sorry about the lack of comments on your posts, and replies too.
Internet - like everything - is expensive.

Today was amazing and I'm dead tired.
Food is amazing.
Green tea, nori, fuji apples, salmon, pocky, milk tea, sush, dried vegetables, chesnuts, lychee jelly.

I find these end of year holidays give way to self reflection.
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing!

Okay so I had the expectations of updating you all with quick sentence or two and many a photo, but I feel that I cannot leave out any details, thus when the detail is actually not so detailed. Yesterday I went to Harajuku. Which I'm sure many of you know as the home of the gothic lolittas. As it was a NY holiday, there weren't as many of them, but still plenty of photos! We also went to Shibuya to 109 which is an 8 level clothing store, it is crazy. And packed, packed packed! I've never seen as many people in my life as i have in Tokyo. The levels are so small, and full of crazy teens shopping. The workers are up on boxes trying to yell above one and other to get your attention. I did get some awesome knitted, knee high white socks, some candy coloured knitted fingerless gloves, some lace socks, some knee high stockings with bows on the back and some crazy rainbow tights. Today we went to Asakusa which was beautiful. I bought some chopsticks, all those sort of things. I also got some really good pictures too. This afternoon I went on a mission to find Hello Kitty but, alas no luck. Seriously, that really shocked me! I ate the best Fuji Apple ever, some sugar free lycee jelly and some dried vegetables for lunch. Breakfast was some fruit and Japanese plate - it's a buffet so I just tried a bit of everything. I'm not too keen on the pickles, but overall, I like a Japanese Breakfast. Tomorrow we are going to Hakone. I'd say the next time I'll update it will be in the snow! I am having such a good time, watching awesome Japanese game shows and secretly laughing at J-Pop. I love Japan, and I love the culture here. I don't know what to do when I get back! I've waited for this trip for so, so long. I'm so lucky that I've been able to live a dream! I can tell you now, I am going to come back here!!

Today was a good day, all in all. I'll get the bad bit over first so I don't leave a bad taste in your mouth. So, the whole deal about camera shopping.... the camera I wanted was priced at $5000AUD. It's an old model so I thought I'd be able to get it uber cheap in Japan, but sadly, it's too old and they've completely sold out. They had a price at $700AUD but there were none left. The new model is crazy expensive too, and after some looking about I thought I'd perhaps look into a 50D, which I believe in Japan is about $2000AUD. I told him all about it, and said that I didn't mean to pressure him but I've been waiting and saving for this camera for about 7 months, and I'd be willing to pay half (or some other deal). I thought this sounded like a good idea. But, I got in response a big slap in the face. The whole deal about how I don't need a new camera, I just want one and that I don't understand the value of money if I just want to buy things with it. And that I should be savng my money in case something happens... okay, yes fair point. But I am 19 - I make $120 a week. And I think it's a bit mean to run me the 'value of money talk' on a Christmas present. I hate to compare myself to my brother but I do find that there is a large differance in the way he is treated to the way I am. For example for Christmas he got a new lap top and a Korg synth (Which was together over $2000) and then there are all the small things, like books, CDs and clothes that he got. I did ask for nothing, and told them that I'd rather them put the money towards a camera. I feel like my Dad has a strong contradiction in why Sam got a Christmas present that he wanted - not needed where I am not allowed something I want as opposed to needed. There is a whole other argument where I feel that my photography is at a point where I can move on to a better camera in order to take it from a hobby to a job. I know that I'm just a bit down because I had my hopes set on getting a camera here and never dreamed that I'd get slammed for asking for it. Yeah, I don't think it too petty, I really believe there is a huge injustice in the way my brother and I are treated and while I'm all the way over here, there is no one to really talk to or anywhere to get away to that I can express how I feel. This has been happening all my life with one thing or another. We were were little, I always used to get the blame for anything, even if my little brother would tell my Dad that he was at fault. I guess it's just an old fashioned thing. I try to get used to it but it still brings me down, more so when it's something like a Christmas present.

Moving away from all the negative talk, on to some of the wonders of Japan. I didn't update yesterday because internet is really expensive here. EVERYTHING IS EXPENSIVE IN THE HOTEL. For example, Coke is Y900 here to Y125 in a shop! Yeah, I know! Yesterday we went to the Ginza where we did some shopping (well, Mum did) and went to the Imperial Hotel and Gardens - the hotel is so old fashioned it's kind of a blast from the past! We came back home and had dinner at a local place which was really amazing. Today we went to Akasaka which is very electronic forward. We went back the the Giza to the 8 level paper shop and got some amazing traditional items which are just beautiful. I'll post pictures later. We went and had dinner at a little place under the railway line. All the did was chicken. I really hate chicken, but yeah... it was pretty good, and an awesome thing to do. We've been doing a lot of walking, it may not seem like we've been doing much, but the shops open about 11 here, so we get out of the hotel at about 11.30 and we're not getting back until 8. Tonight we went to a supermarket and *le sigh* went to McD - my brother got an ice cream.

I've noticed here that although there is a lot of sweets and treats, they are all very low in fat (well calories) for example, I had some green tea ice cream cake and it only had 80 calories, my milk tea had 80, my massive sushi roll hat 120 and my miso 35. And with all th walking, I really don't fell bad about having some treats. Seriously, I'm on holidays! Vegan diet awaits me at home!

It takes quite a while to upload pictures here, so they are going on Facebook. I've noticed a couple of you added me - and I've added you back! So, go to facebook for photos. It's late here, so this shall be photoless! Okay, I lied - these three are going up!!!!

I also got complemented on my Japanese today!
GO ME!

Hello, greetings from Japan once more. How was everyones New Years Eve? How did you celebrate, and more importantly - did you kiss a stranger at midnight and what did you wear! I hope there are not too may sore heads, none from those who wish to drink less this year! I feel that 2009 is going to be an amazing year. 2008 was a lot better than 2007 but I feel like I am a place in my life where I can really make things work.

Japan is amazing. It's really beautiful. It was abnormally quiet as it is a MAJOR holiday here. It's a very religious day. We went to Harajuku to a massive temple with perhaps half of Japan to throw money. There were some good photo moments, and it wasn't too cold. I had fish, miso soup, green tea (the BEST green tea I've ever had in my life!), fruit and some strange dumpling things. Lunch was late, some miso soup and some 'made it yourself sushi' from 711 and more green tea. Dinner was a bit of a non event as we are dead tiered and everywhere is closed. Salad and banana smoothie and a couple of mouthfuls of some chesnut parfait. Not so healthy! My NYR are to be more healthy, but also to relax more therefore if I make sure I go to the gym in the morning and try o eat balanced, I won't feel guilty about some of the amazing Japanese treats!

Of course there are some New Years talk I want to write about, but I feel that I'm just so tired that I may not be able to get across just what I mean without puring typos and misunderstandings across the web. I do know that a lot of what I want to be viewed as respectful and capable person and work on deflecting my emotions with either stupidity or humor - although I'm not saying there is a place for that!! I'm still working on writing a manifesto, and fully reflecting on last year. And because of this, I may update this entry tomorrow after a night on a hard bed. Has anyone found that the beds in Tokyo are really firm?

Okay, so I'm waiting for some photos to upload so I may as well get on with some of my goals for next year. Of course there are the 5 major ones I made a while ago - save money, loose weight, eat vegan, improve results and be more creative. But they are of course goals and aims, but there are not the reason why I want to do it. The drive behind it perhaps? So below will be some sort of life motto for 2009.

The Year of All that I can Be
I want to hold 2009 in both hands. To always have something to look forward to but yet, at the same time never regret that I wished time away. I want from 2009 to know that I've done all I can to make myself the best I can. My outlook on this year is that it will be a year in which I am truly myself and not let anything define me rather than me selecting things that reflect and endorse who I am. I want want I wear to be a mirror to my mood, to my day, to my feelings. I want it to be in simply art. I don't want to view clothes as cotton which we sinfully hide our bodies with, but an expression of Zilla. I do not want to settle for mundane, I want to push the envelope to becoming a creative being. I will this year, understand the whole truth to things that I engage myself in, I will stop falling back to safeness when I am unsure. I am going to respect my body and give it what it needs and in turn be rewarded by health and a feeling of satisfaction. What ever I do, it will be an action of growth, health and creativity. I will not accept anything below what is not my best. 2009 and will be all that I can be and prove to myself that I am allowed to be all that I want to be.

The rest of my pictures are up on Facebook - Zilla Gordon. So, if you want to add me, feel free - perhaps write me a PM so I know that you are from eljay not a stalker!!

2008-12-29T13:24:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'll be at the airport waiting to go to Japan. Today was a good day, the week as a whole has become a really busy mush of days rather than the gym, Japanese and sleep that I was expecting. Lots of nights out, lots of shopping and friends. I perhaps think that it has worked out for the better. Yesterday I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - it was really amazing. My parents had trouble understanding that it was a fantasy not a drama and things didn't make sense nor should they.

I went to Indooroopilly with Kate and James and I picked up a package that came from Bowerbird of a wonderful faux fur coat and a lovely vintage dress. I also bought two pair of shoes: heels and sneakers plus a cheap plaid shirt from Jay Jays for $10. I don't have a lot to update on, but I wanted to show you these lovely things I bought as well as giving you a 'hang tight, I'll update from the Land of Hello Kitty soon' sort of update.

Oh dear, I'm currently watching the American Kath and Kim, okay - it might be funny because it's lame ares and completely exploiting the American pop culture "I happen to have a lot of experience with gay lesbians" Ha... yes, that was funny. But really? The relation to the Australian one is so slim, the names, mother and daughter - that's it I'd say.

What I love About Sundays!

2008-12-28T16:42:00.000-08:00

don't know about you, but I really dislike Sundays. The fact that I have a day off is overshadowed by the looming start of work or uni the following day. I spend so much time getting all excited about the weekend that by the time it comes, I just need a good, long hug to remind me that it will be back again soon. With all this in mind, I though it best to write a list of all the things that where exploding with positivity so I can feel better. I'll get to that part a bit later and focus on updating you all on what went down last night first.

Jess, Zoe and I went to Cobra Snake dance party along with hundreds of other amazingly dressed people. It's a bit strange when you feel so wonderful about what you're wearing and then seen stacks of people looking stunning and you just think - Ahhh... totally not good enough!! But anyway, drinks were cheap - $6 for a basic with Stoli, so I was happy! We danced and talked to people, I got commented on my flower 3 times, my shoes once and my stockings once. So I felt pretty good. We waited until 12.30 for Cobra Snake, but we couldn't see him - so after sweating out the contents of the Wivenhoe Damn we were planning to leave. But Zoë got a talking' to a photographer there, and he gave us his card and told us all about a website he runs, you get free entrance to clubs and exposure in tern for taking party pictures. I think that this would be a really good idea. I'm thinking about creating my own website which would incorporate photos and blogs - sort of like it is now, but hopefully better. The aim would be to have advertising, so I could make some money while I'm traveling - see, these are the crazy plans I dream up when I have too much free time! Anyway, I got my picture taken by two different club photographers, so that's very exciting - sadly not Cobra Snake. We went to 299 and danced and danced some more. A friend drove us home and as we were walking through the Valley Mall saw a guy with blood running down his face, and a taxi that had been pulled over by police, so something interesting there. Stuie drives like a crazy, crazy man. We were doing 160 on the Western Freeway - which is 90. Strangely, I've felt far less safe in other peoples' cars when doing the speed limit. Yeah, that's pretty much my weekend. Yes, I know I'm amazingly interesting *eye roll*

Sales are on, if you need some help as to what you should spend your money on, I've made a list of my suggestions below.

What I Love About Sundays (WiLAS)

Staying in pjs all day
Getting up at 11
My ranbow Unni Virka blanket from Ikea
Cons with Maxi dresses
Going to the movies
Pink nail polish

Movie time!

Hi, How Are You?

2008-12-23T22:03:00.001-08:00

I'm rather new to this site, so excuse me for taking some time to get the hang of it. I do have a livejournal as well, but I thought it best to open my arms and fully hug the world of blogging.

So I've been thinking about my New Years Resolutions.
I've read that it's fine to make them but you need to figure out how you are going to achieve them.

Save money: yeah, so this is a big one for me. I've disconnected my credit card from iTunes and my prepaid Visa is on it's way to me right now. This means that I now have no reason to use the credit card online. With shopping - that's a problem. But I've come up with a plan: take an allocated amount of money out and leave the card in the car. It's hard because Mum will often say "Can you just go by and get these things at the supermarket" and I don't always have the money on me. Hopefully this will sort things out.
Maintain a vegan diet: Taking on the advice of wise others, I can maintain a vegan diet on special occasions by letting people know in advance or bring something if needed.
Loose weight: Well, I'd say about 3/4 of the world has this written down. I'm going to achieve this by focusing on healthy eating. Choosing healthy, wholesome foods which are good for my body. As well as keeping up regular exercise (gym 3-4 times a week), a hot yoga class and a ballet class per week. Making sure I always have something healthy close by and focus on the big picture rather than the taste of a doughnut.
Improve results: While I'm doing fine, I can do better. I am going to make sure I take time each day to go over my notes, and my readings. Make sure I take time out every week to study and work on assignments. I'm taking three subjects but still, not procrastinating and really putting my best effort into everything.
Be more creative: I know this sounds like a really dodgy thing to say, but what I mean is to really focus on taking amazing pictures. And to not be afaid of being myself. I don't really think I am worried, but stop falling short of myself and keeping pushing the moulde. I'm going to do this by doing all the things that I always want to do and think to do but never do.

That is all. Enough. But there you go.

Things about me...

I guess I know who I am. It's not a matter of 'Who am I?" but the thing about what really defines this knowledge.
Okay... so yeah, I know I love art, music, fashion and dance. I know I want to be a photographer. I want to make art. I want to capture memories. And I want to be apart of wearable art - fashion. I like to be crazy. I love Triple J. I love the luxe appeal of drinking and being social. I hate being drunk. I hate junk food, but love cooking. Are they are just things that I like, not what I am.

I have habits. I rip pages out if the writing is too messy. I like to plan my life out to the second and then rip it in half and be totally random. I aways sleep on the right side of the bed. I never leave home without my phone. I get nervous if my room is messy. And I get stressed when I need to pack. I always touch the outside of the plane for good luck. I rub Buddha's belly in the morning. I never look in mirror naked. I don't sing along to songs in the car by myself, but I sing when with friends.

I love dancing yet I'm slightly unco. I love ballet. I feel that the determination and the practice it teaches me will help my life. I hate when politicians think that they are saving the youth from binge drinking. I love ABC. I like to think that I'm intelligent, but I don't work hard enough. I don't get a lot of jokes, but I can figure out movies. I think in French. And I have troubles speaking English when I've had one too many. I love hugging a smoker, because I love that smell.

I like the night over day. I sometimes feel alone when I'm with a group, and I indulge in it. I like walking at night in the winter, I feel like I want something to happen. I don't like meat. Fish is my favorite food. I have major blood lust, yet I can't watch ER. I enjoy having fresh flowers in my room, but I don't like them to smell.

I like the person I am. I don't like my body, because I think I can do better. I like my music and I like my own pictures. I like my self.

Is this who I am?? Or is this all what we like?

My Week

I am transported by good music, it pulses through my body. I can close my eyes and see it. I find people so interesting, we are all zoo animals, and I just want to stare and learn. I start to sweat when I see a picture worth taking. I crave freedom and desire solitude. I don't believe in monogamy. It is too boring, and less interesting. I want to travel. I want to live. I am a photo album, in which all my memories and journeys are slotted on me somewhere. I am unique. And on my way to being an artist.

Friday

Today was a mix of good and bad. Mostly good. And there is a wonderful joy about the simple goodness that comes from such pure and simple actions. It started off with a lovely run across the Indooroopilly Bridge to St Peters and back, watching the sun rise over the river and feel the rays creating the extreme heat of the day. I wore my green Dr Martins to work as I'm still breaking them in. Christmas party was tonight, so it was a bit of a nothing day.

I knocked off at 2.30 and walked up the hill to Brazilian Beauty and got along with a brow wax and eyelash tint, my very first brazilian. Well, what do I say? It was rather less intrusive than I thought considering the object is to spread 'em. The lady was lovely and we talked about tattoos and piercings and all sorts of wonderful music. They even played Kate Miller-Heidke as I left the place. Overall it was pretty good.

I then drove off to Wray to stock up on some weekend goodies. I bought chocolate covered goji berries, tamari almonds and some fruit trail as well as some vegan ice cream and some molasses for my iron levels.

I came home to discover that my mother had bought me a wonderful present - which I may have hinted to. Gothic Leggings. I can say I nearly died. I got into my $7 dress and we went to Alchemy which was just splendid (oh yes, I'm prim and proper) For dessert I had liquid nitrogen desserts. Yes, oh yes... you heard me. In trying to keep this journal positive, I shall just point out the Christmas Cheer that was expressed by my father which resulted in an early cab ride home. All for the best.

I found a lovely, suiting t-shirt on Mod cloth. Godzilla. How magical. I'm going to order it soon, Mum is hoping that it would be here in time to take to Japan. As there as been talk of clothing, I thought I'd share with you the amazing thermals I have, by Roxy.

In all things Zilla, I'm getting another piercing tomorrow - fingers crossed. And I'm going to go see if I can get some purple streaks put in my hair. I also do believe that after six months of noticing a slip my eyesight focus, I may need to go get my eyes checked. All seems fine, but I'll be drawing or watching tv and they'll just slip and go blurry and I have to really concentrate on refocusing.

There is a party going on next door and the Ministry mix is really bugging me when I want to slip into the land of Zzzs.

Saturday

Salut tout le monde! Gee, these two days passed so quick and with so much that I really feel that I need to write about all the wonders which I saw proceeded by some more sleep - that seems to be the active of choice today. Well, why not? It's a Sunday!

So, Saturday was an early start and off to Indooroopilly to get a park. I went to check the opening times and found that the shops opened at 8 not 9 - so I made a made rush and the quickest dressing on record which seemed to spoil my enthusiasm for the gym. I got a coffee and waited for the piercing place to open, which wasn’t until 10, then booked an appointment for 10.30 – it was a well spent 2 and half hours in which I bought some last minute Christmas presents for family from Mombassa and a Christmas Present to myself in the form of these wonderful shoes!

Fi, Jess and I then went to the Valley to the Talulah sale, which was swarming with TCs – lucky us got to lay our eyes on Emma Rankin. I picked up two dresses (A black and a rainbow that has a strange tie that I cannot now figure out, and a green skirt with studs on it) We walked back and continued to shop as the sweltering Brisbane heat progressed. That night Jess, Zoë and I went to 299 for a gig. I came to the conclusion that I am not a fan of punk music. Oh, give me The Clash or The Who, but not ‘today’ punk. The extremely fast paced base drum is accompanied by some contrastingly joyful rifts in which a tone-deaf man sings along to. But it was a good night, random comments from strangers and a sweaty hug from the lead signer. The night’s end wasn’t so good as I couldn’t remember what level I parked my car on so I spent 15 minutes running around looking for Poontang whist McDs and dance music flooded the car park.

Today has been sleepy. My fatigue is extreme and I just want to go back to bed. But I spent the day colouring my hair red, blue, purple and pink and watching Skins and laughing while reading this article (NSFW). Tonight my sister’s children are coming up which will be nice. So, I’m going to do some cooking.

Monday

Today was a really wonderful day. I'm sitting here, exhausted and full of Bonsoy and cous cous - which is really lovely. Now I'm sitting here in my underwear because I can't be bothered to put my pjs on yet listening to New Order and uploading pictures. Today we spent time with Ruby and Lily who are the children on my estranged sister, Lisa. Sadly, she is a drug addict, alcoholic sister who likes guys who beat her up so she can get our attention - yes, this is a major problem but I'm not dwelling on things that I can't change and focusing on the good i.e. the wonderful day I spent today.

It started off with searching for Mum’s final Christmas presents, in which I found my dream cookbook – The Big Fat Duck. Sadly it’s $270 so it makes it one hellofa cookbook. Perhaps for my birthday. We got some dairy free Starbucks and read the classified aloud, laughing at the amount of BUSTY, CUTE, NEW TO TOWN headings that flooded the black and white print – did you know that bras came in 48FF?

We then walked to South Bank, stopping on the way to take pictures of the big Christmas tree outside of the Casino. We then went on the Wheel of Brisbane, a jumping castle, followed by a walk down Little Stanley Street. We had lunch at an awesome Japanese restaurant where we all got Sake (even thought I was the only one over 18) and Bento boxes. We then bought cupcakes. It was perfect!

I came home and watched some TV, and that brings me to now. I did however buy this awesome coat. And I’ve given up on Twilight and started on Emile Zola – Theres Raquin. Much better. Tomorrow is the last day of work. Wednesday will be spent making Christmas treats and uploading The L Word onto my iPod for Japan.

Tuesday

Oh, and I was also wondering about Birthday Twins.
Yes, I'm editing this entry but there is a fridge at work that needs acleaning and I'm just trying to get a little more lunchin' time.

My Birthday is 16th of March, 1989. Do I have a twin in the land of cyberspace?

Okay. So multiple updates for this entry: but I just couldn't contain my anticipation for the holidays - so, please: would you excuse me? Work went by so quickly. I went to Blockbuster to get some videos to entertain me during the break: You Don't Mess with the Zohan, 21, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Sex and the City, Hunting and Gathering and regretfully St Trinain's - which has to be the worst movie that I've ever seen. Even if the main character is amazingly beautiful. I also went and bought some things to make some headbands. I spent $50 which should be enough to make about 10 headband! I got the idea from Diva which overpriced them for $20 each.

I've also been spending way too much time on online shopping sites. Although I've not really bought anything, my eyes are drooling. I found an aweosme site called Forever21 which has really well priced clothes - it's in USD, but even with the dolar at 70 cents, it's really well priced. The shipping is still expensive, but if it's things that I can't get in Oz I'm happy to pay it. There are few things I've got on my wishlist, which I'll buy after I get back from Japan - if I have money. I'm also going to get a shirt from this website; which I found today and which I'm totally in love with. As well as a Daniel Jonston shirt. All with my brand new (drum roll please) VISA DEBIT!

I got lots of chocolates today which is kind of painful because I am trying to eat vegan, and I feel guilty about leaving them. I feel I shall offer them to my family on Christmas Day to take them out of my hair. So to speak. I'm still working on the vegan raw ice cream in the fridge which is devine, so that shall keep my busy! I cannot belive that it's Chrsmtas Eve tomorrow!!!

For the new year, I'm thinking about doing some more crazy things with my hair as well as the 4 piercings (tragius, lip, nose and nipple) and my new tattoo.

Well - how 'bout that for a massive post. I promise things will be smaller from now on!