Changes

So I wrote this entry tonight in anticipation that tomorrow m internet will be back to it’s speedy self! But it seems a bit better - Ha, - I joke (I kid, I kid), I will put up with it to post this entry. that Anyway, it’s almost nearing holidays. This is really making me think about what I’ve done this year, what I’ve got to get done this year and how far I have come in the last twelve months. Thinking back to the person I was then, it was obvious that I wasn’t happy. I spent so long trying to make things better, by wishing. The thing is, nothing can change unless you go out and create change. So often I would sit at home, at the computer or at the television wonder what I had done to hate myself so much, and why I just couldn’t live a normal life, free form all the stress that normal activities were causing me. I was really unhealthy in the way I live my life, it lacked balance and everything I did was done on impulse and in binges. It is only through a lot of hard work that I have managed to make such a change on my life. A year ago, I was often thinking of how long I had left. The horrid, destructive things I was doing were taking such a toll on my body, and I really just wanted to give up on life. Now, it isn’t some perfect story, and I didn’t just wake up one day and love life and myself. Things still aren’t perfect. I don’t expect them ever to be. I am still sick, but I’m slowly making a change for the better so that in a few years I can lead a normal life. Fully aware of all the fears I have, I acknowledge them as a sign this illness rather than my own wishes for my life.

Many of you have been reading my journal for a few years, and while choosing not to write about this problem has helped me (much to my surprise) people know of the struggles that I have. They’re not over, but I do believe they will be one day. Positive though is a state of mind, and I do believe that we can change our opinions. “Life is in the details” reminded by my friend tonight. For me, little things such as reading in bed, watching a DVD, making banana smoothes, the health I feel from eating good foods, yoga, saving to travel, taking pictures, painting my nails – all these things, while small, make me feel wonderful, happy and in control.

Life is really short. And we really have to think about what is important. Uni for example. Working really hard to make sure we get 5 or a 6 or spending time with your friends, having an adventure or relaxing. When we look back, we want to know that we lived our lives by choosing the important thins, the things that will in the end – allow us to lead a better life. Focus on the things that you’ve done, not on what you haven’t. Did you have a piece of chocolate today when you swore you wouldn’t? Address what went wrong, and try again – but try not to get into excuses.

I can feel that this year is going to continue to be a good year, because I am going to make an effort. So, these are my tips to making positive changes in your life:

1. Make an affirmation. A simple phrases that you repeat or write daily. It is said that if we say or hear something enough we will start to believe in it. Instead of repeating negative words, focus on a positive mantra.
2. Eliminate the negative. I thought that by picking through my issues, I would find some reason for them – wrong. By not placing all my attention on them, they seem much smaller.
3. Find a hobby: We all need some distraction. It might be knitting, cooking, drawing or swimming. Anything that can take you outside your daily stresses for an n hour or so. Time to reflect on what you want out of life and check in with yourself.
4. Treat yourself well: Don’t focus on weight, but on eating healthy, daily exercise, meditation or relaxation, good sleep, a healthy water intake and keep the alcohol to a weekend activity.
5. Plan for happiness: Little things like going to the movies, wearing your favourite outfit, spending time on the couch with the cat. Put down at least on of these actives on your weekly to do list.
6. Make goals: If you are bored in life, you don’t have enough goals. Make sure you’re always working towards something. Something realistic with a timeline and a measurable achievement level.
7. Put yourself first: Worry about the things you’re doing in your life before you start stressing about what others are doing. You are your on your road, keep remembering that. Who cares what Bob and Fran are doing – they’re not living your life.
8. Dress to impress: It may sound vain, but feeling good and confident in what you’re wearing can add that extra spring in your step. Clothes are the first things you say about yourself without saying anything.
9. Laughter: Ellen, YouTube, Scrubs… what ever it is. A good laugh is not only good for the stomach muscles, but lightens you up and jump starts your good mood.
10. Journal: This is where you can keep track of everything. Your food, exercise, goals, progress, to-do list… all those things. A space where you can reflect on all the things that are in your life that are stopping you being what you want to be. Not just a place to bitch about all that’s gone wrong, but somewhere you fix the things that have gone wrong.

I’ve made big changes, and I’ve employed all ten of the above tips. It’s still hard work, and I have to keep checking myself when I get stressed and find myself slipping back to old habits. But I really didn’t see a future for myself. Now, I just want to really live everyday to it’s fullest – no time to waist when there are so many things I want to do before it’s too late. And if all else fails, perhaps refer to an amazingly dodgy mantra: I will shine in 2009!